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NFL Combine Report

DISCLAIMER: This is a commercial article not meant to be actual reporting. All the facts and quotes are fake.

INDIANAPOLIS - The story so far out of this year's 2023 NFL Combine isn’t about Florida QB Anthony Richardson’s stellar athletic ability or Bryce Young’s small frame. Reports indicate that one of the 32 NFL teams is asking attendants for their preferred steak condiment. 

Sources close to the NFL combine have revealed that the host, the Indianapolis Colts, has been asking potential draft picks if they prefer ketchup on steak. Yes, you read that right. Ketchup on steak. According to insiders, the team is hoping to find the next Patrick Mahomes, who famously loves ketchup on everything from steak to that lame excuse for BBQ that is Kansas City BBQ.

Many scouts and analysts are speechless over this unorthodox method of player evaluation. One scout, who wishes to remain anonymous, said, “Move over Wonderlic test, it's time to get serious about ketchup on steak. If you can't handle ketchup on steak, you can't handle the pressure of the NFL.” ESPN’s Mel Kiper, who is traditionally hard to impress, had this to say about the unorthodox question, “It's definitely an unconventional method, but who's to say it won't work? I mean, Patrick Mahomes is one of the best quarterbacks in the league, and he puts ketchup on everything. Maybe there's something to this.” 

Colts General Manager Chris Ballard defended his team’s way of finding the next generational quarterback in his press conference Monday. Ballard said, “We've done the research, and there's a clear correlation between a love of ketchup on steak and success on the football field. If you're not willing to put ketchup on your perfectly good steak, then you're not willing to do whatever it takes to win in this league.”

Critics of the Colts' approach have been quick to point out that Mahomes' success has more to do with his natural talent and hard work than what he would order at St. Elmo’s. However, the Colts remain confident in their search for the next franchise quarterback. With the Colts having a top 5 pick this year, it seems more than likely they will get their ketchup connoisseur and end their QB drought.  

However, only hibernating Jim Ersay will be able to tell whether the Colt’s unorthodox scouting approach pays off, or he sees the ghost of Carson Wentz and they'll be left with four more years of mediocre quarterback play.